Friday, September 3, 2021

I Am Human

Hello my lovely readers. This post is long overdue, but very much needed. I have tried writing about this topic twice already. I want to keep things simple for this. It needs to stay simple or it is going to drive me crazy and get confusing. This is my coming out post.

I am non binary. My pronouns are she/her and they/them.

Maybe some of you already know from my mom, but its not something I have ever publicly announced and put into words like this. I came out to my parents in August 2019, so its been 2 years. I've told maybe 3 or 4 close friends since then.

According to Wikipedia, : “Non-binary or genderqueer is an umbrella term for gender identities that are neither male nor female‍—‌identities that are outside the gender binary.”

You will find many definitions similar to this one, some more in depth than others.

For me personally, it means that I don't feel like a fit into a certain box. I feel somewhere outside of the boxes. I still very much outwardly express my gender as feminine, but the way I feel inside doesn't feel like it should even go into a category.

There are so many different labels to go by that can further define the way you feel too. Like bigender, demigirl/boy, agender, genderflux, the list seems endless. I'm still trying to figure out if one of these labels fits me, but for now I'm comfortable and happy with being just non binary.

And if you are questioning your gender identity, you are not alone. If you're reading this you already know one other person.

I have a friend, right here in monterrey, that is genderfluid. Her pronouns are she/her and they/them. I met them through listening to some of the same local bands and her being in one. I asked them if she wanted to tell you all what being genderfluid is to her. This is what they said: “Well, being Genderfluid is kind of a funny mess, cause sometimes I feel completely certain of how I want to present myself to the world or how I feel, and some other times I have absolutely no idea; I just start trying on some clothes, accessories and fixing my hair till it kinda becomes clearer.

Same with my pronouns, I mean I’ve always used “she/her”, but I’ve come to discover that I enjoy being called “handsome” or “dude”, so I think that’s also a trial and error thing; experimenting on myself first to see what I feel comfortable with and when people ask, I’ll know what to say.

I do sometimes worry about what the people close to me are gonna think or say, but I’m working on that.

In the end it’s all about feeling comfortable with yourself.”

So no, you are not alone, wherever you are.

My gender identity has nothing to do with the reproductive parts I was born with and everything with how I see myself. It's something that isn't solid for me, a year from now it could change. The one thing i can tell you all for sure is that i am do not fit into the box of a cisgender girl.

I don't feel like a man, but I also don't feel like I fit into what society in general accepts as what a woman is supposed to be.

It hasn't been easy, my parents still question it. My mom even said that maybe I’m not actually non binary and that it was the recently found out autism that made me feel different. She's asked before why i put a label on it, but if i don't then everyone else around will do it for me and i do not want that. But she has also defended me against others and that means the world to me. My dad has made some very mean comments on accident, but he realized what was wrong and apologized for it. But they have never purposefully tried to hurt me with what they say. I am surrounded by people who are willing to grow and accept me and I’m so grateful for how lucky I was to get my parents.

I wanted to keep this short and simple. If any of you have any questions, feel free to leave them in the comments.

The song I chose for this post's title is from Escape The Fate. I'll leave the link here. It helped me a lot, so when I got to see them live for my birthday in 2019, I had the guitarist write me some lyrics out for a tattoo.

Stay safe and drink water. Never let anyone dampen your inner light and try to define you as someone or something you're not. And remember, like always. It's okay to not be okay.