Thursday, August 1, 2019

Check In #1

Hello everyone. How are all of my amazing readers doing?

   I usually have a topic to talk about when I am writing to you all but a lot has been going on since the last time you heard from me. Think of this as a little check in to keep you up to date on what's happening.

   I sort of made up with the person from my last blog post. We talked and decided on being just friends. I continue to keep my distance though because I see no point in possibly getting all caught up in another sucky situation and hurt again. Things are civil between us but nothing like they were before.
   I finished my second semester with all passing grades. My lowest grade was Math with a 78 and highest was 100 in English. I know I could've done better if I had committed myself to it more, but my depression kicked my butt at the beginning of the semester and things kind of fell apart. I recognized my faults and I can let go of it and not let it bother me now. The semester ended, its in the past. There's no reason to dwell on it.
   I started listening to a band called There For Tomorrow. Soon after I found out they had broken up a few years back. Luckily though the lead singer and drummer started a project together and the singer does solo music too. Not going to lie, the singer, Maika Maile, is really freaking cute 💗 and I got just a little bit obsessed. Look him up and you'll see why.
   I started following this guy on twitter that constantly spreads positivity and love. You all should look him up @MoshWithTyler
   I came out as non binary and gender non conforming to my family. I do not want to make a big deal out of this because I don't want anyone to think this is my whole personality or something. I don't want people to find out and think that my gender identity is all I stand for. It's just another part of me that I've recently discovered. I may or may not write about it in more detail later on. If you have any questions, feel free to send them my way and I will answer them to the best of my capability.

    My third semester for Prepa starts on Monday. Am I a little worried and scared about starting? Of course, I am always worried about meeting new people and now, not only do I get to worry about how people will react to me being American but also about their reaction to me being non binary. Am I completely dreading going and stressing over what people will think of me like last semester? I can confidently say NO. Maybe this has to do with the band I started listening to. Or maybe because I have a friend at school that fully supports me no matter what. Another possibility is that @MoshWithTyler’s positivity is rubbing off on me. It also could have been the acceptance I showed myself towards my grades and my parents’ acceptance towards me coming out. For all I know NONE of this has anything to do with it.

   Or maybe, just maybe, I started loving myself a little bit more than before and now have the strength to make it through each day. I truly am not sure. Things didn't get any easier over summer break. As recently as last night I laid crying in bed because of things that were bothering me. The crying didn't make them go away, but I did feel better after.  A little bit of self love and acceptance go very far when you are struggling just to get through each day.

   I feel like I've been a bit selfish with this post. Only talking about myself. But that's okay, because I know I am just letting some things off my chest. It's something that everyone needs to do once in a while. I truly do want to know how any of you are. If you want to see me write about something specific, let me know. I best associate certain problems or issues with songs I listen to and I have some ideas about songs that have been stuck in my head, so you all my be getting more content sooner than expected.

   So that's it for now.
Drink water. Follow @MoshWithTyler and me @hurt_blog on Twitter. And don't forget that it's okay not to be okay.
Catch you later lovelies. 😘


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