Wednesday, January 30, 2019

The Truth I'll Never Tell

Hi everyone. :)
   So I hadn't written a blog because I haven't been feeling well. By this, I don't mean that I've been physically sick (though my nose is a little stuffy). My mental health has been crap this past week and a half.
   The Saturday before I started school, I was laying in bed watching YouTube, and I felt something break inside. It was like I felt every emotion I'd been holding inside,  but I was numb. My feelings rushed on to me so strongly that it was almost physically painful. I wanted to cry, I wanted to let it all out, but it was like I couldn't actually feel anything. I was emotionally vacant and painfully numb. My mind was filled with thoughts and ideas that were everything less than healthy.
   My depression hadn't grabbed a hold of me like that in a long time. So, I've been using any little spare time from school to try and clear my head. I would have never imagined sharing this with anyone. To tell someone about the thoughts that haunt me during a time like this is something I will never take lightly. But, I found my safe place. In the midst of all these horrible thoughts and feelings, I found a way to feel better. This time, it was music. Next time it might be my family or a therapist. Because it's okay to ask for help. 

   What I'm leading up to is that today, I won this fight. I woke up feeling good, feeling positive, powerful and all over, mentally stronger. I go on for another day to enjoy my life and continue fighting my battles in the war against myself. 
For all of you that are going through a tough time right now, I promise you that at some point things get brighter. Yes, brighter, not better. Not better because we can't just wait around for things to get better. What we can do is look for when things get brighter, when a little piece of hope passes by us. I like to think that hope feels like sunshine on a cold winter day. So when hope crosses your path, grab a hold of it and make it grow, make it brighter. 

I know that this post is short, but this is something I had to get off of my chest before telling about my first week of school. I promise that I will write all about it soon. 

And never forget, it is okay not to be okay. :)
Goodbye, for now, lovelies. 


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