I haven't really posted or said anything because I have been thinking about the message that I want to give you all for this new year that is upon us. But first thing first.
We survived another year! YOU survived another year. Another year that maybe was full of pain and suffering and loneliness. Heartbreak, anger, loss. You survived all of that and that is amazing. And I am so very proud of each and every one of you. So here's to another year. Let it be filled with happiness, acceptance, and peace. If it's not, then I promise you that you can and will make it through anything that 2019 will throw at you. Some didn't think they would last through 2018, but here we are. You are the very real proof that you can withstand anything.
So, on to more personal matters.
Did any of you make New Year's resolutions? Made any big decisions to try and better your life for this new cycle? I feel like I did.
I decided to fully embrace being straight edge (if you don't know what that is, watch this vlog by Patty Walters). So on New Year's Eve, while the rest of my family was drinking squirt and agave, I was perfectly content with my sugar-free coke. I felt better about myself and felt that I was starting the New Year out the way I wanted the rest of my year to go. I also decided that I'm going to try and reintroduce certain people into my life again (at some point this year). And a kind of generic one. I am going on a diet. I KNOW. Every year everyone says that they are going on a diet and most don't stick to it. But I am doing so out of necessity and a deep desire to not only physically but also mentally better myself. To better the image I have of myself.
I know that many people around me and that are involved in my life will look at these choices and believe that I am odd or different than most. And the truth is, I am. I have always accepted that I am different than everyone else, but it wasn't until more recently that I accepted that not everybody is going to understand me. I've even accepted that, because of my differences, some might be rooting for my failure. Waiting for the one sip of alcohol or bite of something sweet to throw it in my face and say I wasn't strong enough. But if I mess up, I know I can continue on the path I have chosen and that I shouldn't feel bad for it.
So this is my New Year message to you all.
Don't be afraid to fall. Don't be afraid to mess up. As long as you get back up and go on, the mistakes you make don't matter. Stop caring about what the other people are doing or saying. Even if you lose it all, at least you are doing something with your life.
Think about it, while you're at home bettering yourself and strengthening yourself, most if not all of the people that will judge you are doing only that-- judging you. So they are wasting their time on something so stupid and meaningless, you are out there becoming the person you have always dreamed of being.
So live and let go. Of all the harsh words and disapproving stares. They don't matter. Instead, let them watch you turn that negativity into something beautiful.
And never forget, it is completely okay to not be okay. Goodbye, for now, dear friends.
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